


We All Have a Past

by LoudenSwainfangirl



Series: As Our Life Together Unfolds [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Het Sex, Thoughts of giving up, Woman hunter, cannon type story, not really suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 06:36:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12227556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoudenSwainfangirl/pseuds/LoudenSwainfangirl
Summary: Sam learns about a piece of Briana's past that does not sit well with him.Briana revisits a dark evening from her past, enlighted only by the presence of a vampire named Benny.Set in season 8





	We All Have a Past

**Author's Note:**

> This story has served several purposes for me. 1 I really missed Briana and wanted to know more about her past. 2 Of all the story arcs through the years, the one I hate the most is Sam and Amelia. I like to pretend that never happened. And 3 I really miss Benny.
> 
> If you haven't read any of this series, some of the plot points may not make sense. 
> 
> Disregard any of Benny's past we know from cannon.
> 
> In this series, this story takes place between "As Mundane as Brushing Your Teeth" and "Vacation: Winchester Style

Twenty-four hours, that’s how long it’s been since Briana and Sam picked Dean up at the dock.  Twenty-four hours of Briana withholding something from Sam. She's never once lied to Sam in the four years they've been together. A lie of omission is just as bad as an outright lie as far as she's concerned.

“Sam, I have to tell you something and you aren’t going to like it.”

Sam’s footsteps halt and he turns on his heel. “I could tell something's been off with you since seeing Dean with that…that monster. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll be able to talk some sense into him and we’ll take care of it.”

The snarl on Sam’s lips makes Briana’s stomach turn sour as she thinks of kind blue eyes, large but gentle hands and the faint smell of wood bark and iron. 

Briana shakes her head. “It has nothing to do with Dean but it _is_ about his friend.”

Before Briana has the chance to continue, Sam is ranting again, “I don’t like him anymore then you do.  I still can’t believe my brother-"

“Sam.”

“-a vampire? Really?”

Fed up with being talked over, she snaps. “Sam!”

Sam finally hears Briana and closes his mouth. “What?”

“I’m trying to tell you something.”

He blinks once. “Right, I’m sorry. Go ahead, I’m listening.”

Briana sits down on the edge of the bed, resting her hands on her knees, she closes her eyes. “Dean’s friend, Benny.”

“Yeah, what about him?” He joins her on the bed, resting a hand on her back.

“Yesterday wasn’t the first time I met him.” She opens her eyes and looks at Sam, afraid to continue knowing this conversation won't end well.

Sam’s face reamains neutral. “I don’t-” he starts before Briana cuts him off.

“Years ago, I was in Louisiana staking out a Vamp nest. Rufus wouldn’t let me go at it alone so I went to a bar that was near my hotel. Benny was the bartender that night and I..” she stops again and covers her face with her hands.

“You what, Briana?” The edge in Sam’s voice makes it very difficult to push forward. He jumps to his feet, his body towering over her.

“It was way before I knew you," she tells him as she looks up at him, "Rufus was still alive. I was having a hard night and he was there and..” Briana is pissed at the waver in her voice.

“And, what?”

She takes a deep breath. “And I followed him to his apartment after he closed the bar.”

Briana’s eyes track his movement as he paces the room. “Are you telling me you had sex with him?”

“Yes.”

“This was how many years ago?”

“Thirteen.”

Sam stops his pacing, opens his mouth, closes it then resumes his pacing, running his hands through his hair. He stops suddenly, “Wait, back then, was he a-”

“Yes,” she answers before he finishes.

“Did you _know_ what he-”

“Yes.”

His face passes through a look of concern before settling on what could be disgust. “Jesus, Briana, he could have,” he snaps his mouth shut then starts again, “Why would you”.  It’s as though Sam’s filter on his brain is on delay.  He starts to ask a question and cuts himself off after thinking twice. With each partial question, his voice gets louder and more agitated. He finally settles on, “Why in the _hell_ would you fuck a vampire?  What kind of hunter _does_ that?” He throws his arms out to his sides, leaning his body towards her.

Briana understands Sam's angry but his words hurt like hell and they piss her off. “I think you should leave for a while, Sam.” Her voice is steady but there's plenty of heat in her voice as she stands to face him.

“No, I’m not going anywhere. We need to talk about this.”

Briana’s hands are clenched in fists, hanging at her sides. “I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say after what _you_ just said to me. Please, just leave. We need some time to cool off.”

“No, I’m not going anywhere.” He closes the gap between them. Briana fights the urge to move away from him. His words, and the accusation that came with them, are burning on her skin like embers from a bon fire. “Briana,” he spits, his eyes ablaze, “that was quite a rookie move.  He could've killed you,” he tells her while placing a hand on her forearm.

She bats his arm away, still feeling the burn through her flannel shirt. “Don’t touch me! You don’t get to judge me. You don’t _know_ and you certainly never gave me a chance to explain.” She closes her eyes, “Please, just leave.”

“Briana, I just-"

“Sam!” she yells, “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I _knew_ what he was? That I _knew_ what he was capable of?" She closes the distance between them again, looking Sam in the eye and poking at his chest, “Maybe I wanted him to-”

“Whoa. What, uh, what’s going on here?” Neither of them had heard the door open and they both turn to see Dean. His hand is still on the knob and his face is pale as he looks between his brother and friend.

Briana turns her back to the brothers. “Sam was just leaving.”

“Briana, I’m sorry, I don’t want to leave you-"

“Go, _please_!” She begs him.

Briana doesn't see the silent exchange between the brothers. One assuring the other he'll take care of her.

“Heya, Bri, what’s going on?” Dean repeats his earlier question as he closes the door and sets the take-out bag on the table.

Briana concentrates on the sound of Dean’s soft footsteps as he approaches her from behind. Focusing on Dean allows her to ignore the memories that're trying to punch through, it lets her pretend that her chest isn’t constricting and she isn't finding it difficult to fill her lungs with oxygen.

Maybe, she thinks, if she just ignores the fact she just screamed at Sam and they've never, ever raised their voices at each other, _maybe_ then she won’t break down sobbing in front of Dean.

She startles as his hand brushes her chestnut colored curls off her shoulder before settling, warm and comforting at the nape of her neck. “I’ve never heard you two fight like that. What happened?” he asks softly.

Briana grounds the heels of her hands into her eyes and shakes her head. “I can’t do this.” She turns around to face Dean.  The worry etched on his face is too much for her to handle. “You know, Dean, you could really use a haircut.”

Pretending her voice isn’t raw with unshed tears and her hands aren’t trembling, she continues as she riffles through her duffle bag. “I would imagine a barber would be hard to come by in Purgatory. Come on.” She strides out the motel room door, scissors, comb and cordless clippers clutched in her white knuckled hand.

Dean is a master at diverting attention away from his emotions so, for the time being, he’ll go with it. He follows her outside and around back to a small grassy area with a picnic table. “Briana-” he starts.

“Just sit, Dean, please," she begs him silently with her eyes.

He looks into her blue eyes for a moment before tucking his legs under the table. “Fine,” he sighs, “only because I don’t trust anyone else to cut it. You're right,” he runs a hand over the top of his head, “it's gotten a little shaggy.”

She picks up the comb and scissors.  The repetitive act of running comb and fingers through hair typically calms Briana and this time is no different.  The shaking of her hands cease as she stretches hair between middle and index fingers, trimming along the tops of her digits. Luckily, Briana's been cutting Dean’s hair the same way for the past four years she's known the Winchesters so when the memories finally breakthrough she's able to move on autopilot.

Finished with the crown of Dean’s head, she picks up the clippers to further shorten his temples and the nape of his neck.

 

**Thirteen years ago**

“I’m just finishing the clean up on this Rugaru case. It shouldn’t be more than two days before I will be able to join you. You sure you're doing okay there alone?”

The corner of Briana’s lips quake in a small smile. “I’m fine, Rufus. I’ve located the nest, so far they haven’t been very active.”

The gruff voice of the second father she's had in her life, blasts through the phone line. “Don’t you make a move until I get there. I know you're good but don’t do anything stupid. Hear me?”

“I hear you. I’ll wait and watch but if I see-"

“But nothing, you _wait_.”

She sighs deeply. “Fine. I’ll wait.”

“Hey, Briana?”

“Wait! Yeah, I got it!” she tells him impatiently.

His voice softens and Briana would give anything to have him near in that moment. “Take care of my Anna Girl.”

“Take care of my Old Man," she replies as a smile spreads across her face.

Briana stuffs her phone into the pocket of her flannel shirt and ducks into the bar she's been standing in front of. The vampire nest she's been scouting is less than a mile away but with nothing to do but wait for Rufus’s arrival, she figures she may as well spend this day, of all days, numb.

She takes a cursory look around the small bar, noting the location of the exits and the other patrons before dropping onto a stool near the entrance.

The bartender, a broad shouldered man with a trim beard and brown hair that comes to a widows peak, strolls over to greet Briana.

“Well, hello there.” He flings a towel onto his shoulder. “I don’t mean to insult, but ya know I’m going to need to see some ID.”

Briana stares the bartender down a moment before pulling out one of her many fake driver’s licenses. This one happens to contain the most truthful information, including her birth date and year. She hands it to the bartender and waits patiently while he inspects it.

"Looks like someone's holding out on me." He raises an eyebrow at Briana as he hands back her ID.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks as she shoves the card back into her pocket.

"What's your poison?" he asks, not answering her question.

Briana sighs wearily. "I don't care, surprise me," she tells the bartender with kind eyes the color of the polar ice caps.  "Just bring it in mass quantities.  Oh," she adds, "and don't even think about anything with a frilly umbrella.  I want to drink to forget, not consume a fruit salad."

On a smirk, he reaches under the bar, sets down two shot glasses, reaches behind him and grabs a bottle of tequila. He fills both glasses before pushing one towards Briana.  He waits until she picks hers up before picking up the second shot glass.  He raises it in the air, "Happy Birthday."

She tosses back the shot, equally wincing at the burn running down her throat and the sentiment. "I don't know about happy but it's still nice to have it acknowledged. Thank you."

He nods his head once. "Everything's on the house tonight, seeing as it's a milestone." He tilts his head to the side. "I also get the feeling you'd prefer I just leave the bottle."

Briana opens her mouth then snaps it shut as he drops down a bigger tumbler.

"Salt and lime?"

"Nah, this's perfect. Thanks. Much appreciated." She fills the glass half full, raises it in a cheers gesture then takes a long pull. 

He studies her for a moment. "Just give me a holler if I can get you anything else, Briana."

"Bri-Anna," she tells him. 

"What?"

"My name, it's Briana, not Bri-Awna. Spelled with one 'n' but pronounced with two."

 

_"From now on your name is Briana Rhodes."_

_"But, Rufus, I like my name, I don't want to change it," she sniffles as hot tears streak down her cheeks._

_"I know, but it's just the way it's gotta be from now on. Kim Buckmaster has disappeared with her Daddy.  It's just you and me now kid." He pulls her into a hug, petting her hair with his rough and calloused hand.  To Kim, now Briana, the rare show of affection was just what she had needed. "Hush now, my Anna Girl, it'll be ok."_

"My apologies." The smooth, smoked, whiskey voice of the barkeep pulls Briana from her memory. “Name's Benny if you need anything.”

"No worries," she tells him as she fills her glass again, "I'm used to it." She watches as he moves on to the patron at the other end of the bar and braces herself for what approaches her.

“My, my. Never seen you around here before. Ain’t you a purdy little thing.”

Briana looks to her left. She doesn’t even bother turning her head, she just glares with her eyes.

“Cat got your tongue?” The slimy leech tries again to get Briana’s attention.

“Nope, just not in the mood to talk.” She tells him simply, still not looking at him. From the corner of her eye she sees the bartender slowly approaching again.

Another movement catches her eye a split second before the finger brushes against her ear. Briana’s left hand flies up, bats at the man’s hand before grabbing his wrist and twisting his arm behind his back. She keeps her distance and her voice low. “I _said_. I’m _not_ in the _mood_ ,” she gives his wrist another twist, “to _talk_. Please find someone else’s neck to breathe down with your stale, dragon breath.”

The man scrambles off the stool and rubs at his wrist as Briana relinquishes it. He doesn’t even give her a backwards glance.

The hunter returns to her seat and drains her glass, shaking her head as she hears him mutter, “Crazy ass bitch.”

The sound of a loud belly laugh has Briana looking up.

“Well, damn, I guess I don’t need to worry about you.  Seems you're able to take care of yourself.” His wide, open mouth grin shows off a row of perfect, white teeth. “Can I ask why you're here, alone, on your twenty first birthday?”

Briana takes another drink, noticing the burn has lessened and her head is starting to swim. “You can ask but I probably won’t answer.”

“Fair enough, cher,” he tells her on another soft chuckle. “Can I at least treat you to a birthday meal? My kitchen's small but I can still throw together a mean Po’boy.”

She tries to remember her last meal and fails miserably. Might not be a bad idea to put something down her gullet, better to keep at least a bit of wit to her in case there's trouble. “I think I'd be amendable to that. Thanks.”

“Be right back.”

Briana stares down into her half full tumbler, lost in thought. She doesn’t realize she's humming along to the jukebox playing a country song. The woman’s words wiggle in past the wall she's spent exactly ten years building up. _Before you met me, I was a fairy princess. I caught frogs and called them prince and made myself a queen. I slept in castles and fell in love because I was taught to dream._ Briana shakes her head in wonder at how quickly one’s world can change in the blink of an eye.

Ten years ago, a girl named Kim was enjoying a Birthday tradition of camping with her father.  She toasted marshmallows while he sang to her with his guitar. She watched the fire dance through innocent eyes, having no clue of the true dangers that lurked in the world.

Briana can still remember his teasing grin as he stepped out of the tent. “I’m just going to grab some wood for the morning, I’ll be right back, Princess. Don’t go running off with the first frog that hops along.”

She empties her glass and fills it to the top with a trembling hand as the sounds of her father’s screams fill her ears. The sight of the unnaturally tall creature with its grotesquely long fingers pulling her father into the woods will forever be engrained into her memory, no matter how much tequila she tries to chase it away with.

Briana’s head snaps up at the sound of a throat clearing. Benny sets a plate down in front of her with a measured look on his face. She ducks her face and swipes at the wetness on her cheeks. A laugh escapes her when her stomach lets out a loud rumble. “Well, I guess you've excellent timing in more ways than one,” she says, thinking how close she was to an embarrassing meltdown. “This looks incredible, thank you.”

“Can I get you something to drink? Coke or coffee, maybe?”

Briana wearily eyes the half empty bottle of amber liquid. “Coke might be a good idea.”

As he sets down the cold coke she lets out a low moan over her first bite of the shrimp sandwich.

“I took a chance by assuming you like a little spice.”

“Mmm, you assumed correctly. Damn good grub.”

Benny nods at his coworker before turning to Briana. “It’s time for my break, mind if I sit with you?” He gestures to the empty seat to her left.

“Hard to say no after you make me food like this.” She glances at the tequila bottle then back up at the bartender as he sits down next to her.  “I uh, should warn you I might not be much for conversation though,” she tells him quietly.

He briefly covers Briana’s hand resting on the bar. “No worries, cher, sometimes it’s just nice to know someone's there.”

When her body tenses at his cool touch, he quickly removes his hand.

“Sorry. Too much?”

She studies his hand for a moment, ignoring her professional instincts, she stammers. “No, you're fine. I’m just not used to other…people I guess.”

“Loner, are you? I know something about that kind of lifestyle.”

“Not by choice but I guess you could say that.”

They sit in a comfortable silence while Briana finishes her meal and Benny drinks a cup of coffee.

“I do have someone in my life.” Briana blurts out, once again ignoring that instinct to keep her life to herself. There're times being a hunter can be downright exhausting.  The constant upkeep on the wall built up around her emotions, never having the opportunity to really be vulnerable has taken a toll on her. Briana swears she can hear chunks of her wall crumbling as she continues. “M-myy father died, ten years ago today in fact, and a friend of his took me in.”

“I’m sorry. What happened to your Mama, if you don’t mind me asking?” he quickly adds.

“No, I don’t mind. She died in childbirth.”

Benny’s eyes grow wide, “You lost your Mama and your Daddy on your birthday? Oh Sugar, that’s….” his words fade.

“The universe sending a me a big fuck you?” she supplies. “It didn’t stop there but I’m not getting into that.” She ignores the little voice in her head telling her he may know more about the world out there then he lets on.

“So where is your…friend today? Why isn’t he here with you on your birthday? Doesn’t he know how hard this day must be for you?”

Briana lets out a humorless chuckle. “My second father isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy. He isn’t one to keep track of things like birthdays and anniversaries.”

Now she smiles as she thinks of Rufus. “But he's good to me. Since day one he's treated me as his own. I always felt that was more than I would think to ask of him.” She feels a pang of regret as she often does, that he never thought to give her the name Turner.  In the grand scheme of things, a name really wasn’t that big of a deal but there're times, like today, that Briana wishes she had that connection to family.  Maybe then she wouldn’t feel so alone.

“….alone.”

Briana blinks her eyes and realizes Benny's speaking again. “I’m sorry what? I kind of lost myself there.”

He smiles softly at her. His easy nature put her at ease. “I was saying you shouldn’t be alone today.”

Briana looks into his eyes. “I’m not,” she plasters on a fake smile and picks up the bottle of liquor, “I have you and José here to keep me company.”

Benny opens his mouth to speak but turns abruptly at the sound of men shouting. Two men are arguing over a game of pool. The raised voices quickly escalate into punches being thrown.  Benny’s co-worker reaches the pair before Benny's even gotten off his stool.

Briana pretends not to notice the way Benny’s shoulders tense and his nostrils flare as his coworker escorts them out of the bar. One has blood dripping from his nose, the other is nursing a split lip.

Removing her hand from her own blade stashed in her coat, Briana rests it on Benny’s forearm. “You were about to say something before the Neanderthals interrupted us."

“What?”

She squeezes his arm, causing him to shake his head, clearing the haze that has settled over his eyes.

“Oh, right.” He sets his gaze on Briana and flashes her a warm smile and reaches into his shirt pocket. “There wasn't time to make you a cake. I know this's a poor substitute but it’s the only thing I had.”

Briana accepts the Kit Kat bar with trembling fingers. The white letters over the red wrapper blur beyond Briana’s vision. She hears a gasp and Briana’s hand flies up to cover her mouth when she realizes the noise came from her.

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to-”

Her hand tightens over the candy bar as he tries to take it back. “No, it’s just that my da-” she takes a deep breath and swallows down the sob trying to escape, “my dad used to buy these for me.”

Briana’s body betrays her as she feels her wall crumbling down around her. She physically flinches as each memory flashes at her and she can feel the ground beneath her quake as those chucks fall to the ground.

 

_The soft, grinning face of her father just before stepping out of the tent, winking at her fades to the sight of the bottom of his boots as they scramble for purchase as he's dragged away from her, screaming for her to run._

_Her dad sitting, knees bent to his chest, perched on the tiniest of chairs. The purple, feather boa tickling his nose as he raises a tiny tea cup to his lips, pinky pointing straight out. The sound of her own giggles morph into grunts as she thinks of kick boxing lessons with Rufus. Her crown replaced by a sweaty bandanna as he yells out instructions to her._

_Briana feels another sob leave her throat as she sees her dad sending her off to her first day of fourth grade. She wipes at her face as she sees Rufus, patiently showing her the proper way to disassemble and clean her weapon._

Her shoulders sag. “I can’t do this anymore.” She speaks to herself, barely above a whisper.

Benny’s hand returns, gripping lightly at her wrist. “What can I do?” His husky voice vibrates over her frayed nerves and somehow calms her.

“Your skin's cold, you should eat.”  

The realization she spoke out loud is confirmed when his hand disappears and he asks on a startled, “What did you say?”

“I said,” she clears her throat and runs a sleeve over her face, “your coffee's cold you should reheat it.” She holds his stare, fully committed to accepting whatever he has in store for her. At this moment, Briana has decided she doesn’t have it in her to fight. She has low expectations on seeing the sun come up tomorrow.

Benny's the first to break the connection when he looks at his cup. “Oh,” he says quietly, “actually, it’s empty.” He tips his cup towards Briana to reveal one drop of dark liquid sliding along the bottom groove of the cup.

Returning her gaze to the forgotten chocolate bar, she picks the package up and tears at the wrapper. After breaking off two wafers, she offers them to Benny. Her voice wavers just as much as the chocolate gripped in her shaking fingers. “Dad always told me they were meant to be shared.” For just a split second the eyes before her are as brown as the chocolate pinched between her fingers before melting into blue.

His smile returns. “Why thank you.” He holds up the strips of chocolate. “Here’s to your daddy and here’s to the Birthday Girl.”

Briana clicks her candy against Benny’s and to her surprise, he eats his before she follows suit.

As bar time draws near, Briana's the last remaining customer. The room isn’t spinning as violently since she's switched to water. With the amount of booze she's consumed, she would need to _crawl_ to her hotel room and the thought isn't very appealing.

The comfortable silence is broken by the sound of her phone buzzing in her coat pocket. She doesn’t even need to look at the screen to know who's on the other end.

“Hey Old Man. Please tell me you aren’t still on the road.” Briana bites back the grin as Benny’s head snaps up at her answer. She sends him a wink before he goes back to his closing routine. 

“Hey yourself, and no I’ve hunkered down for the night,” he grouses at her. “I just wanted to check in, make sure you haven’t gone in with both blades blazing without me.”

“No, I’ve hunkered down myself.  All's quiet here.”

She watches Benny as he runs through his closing routine.  She has no doubt his ears are picking up both ends of her conversation. She finds it only mildly alarming that, on this day, she doesn’t care what information he overhears.

“I should make it your way by late morning tomorrow, should be a good time to breach the nest. I’ll let you go. Get some sleep. Take care of my Anna Girl.”

Briana wants to tell Rufus thank you. Thank you for taking me in and accepting me as your kin. Thank you for teaching me about your world even if it isn’t what she would've chosen.  She also wants to tell him how sorry she is because she knows she'll be a disappointment to him. She just can’t do this anymore, she's just _tired_ of it all.

Pouring their hearts out to each other isn't how their relationship works so instead she says, “Hey Old Man, promise me you'll eat a decent meal tonight and include at least one piece of fruit with your breakfast of grease.”

He chuckles softly in her ear. “I promise. G’night.”

“Night.” She stares at her silent phone, only looking up when Benny asks her if he can call her a cab.  “No, I’m just up the road, I’ll walk.”

His brow furrows and he shakes his head. “Not a good idea, cher. I’ve seen firsthand you're fully capable of taking care of yourself but please, let me call you a ride.”

She stands abruptly, making her head swim momentarily. “Nope, I’m good. Thanks again for the drinks and the food. Maybe I’ll make my way back here someday.”

 

Once outside, the cool air helps to clear Briana’s head enough to know charging into the nest alone would be a bad idea. Knowing how disappointed Rufus would be in her when she didn’t succeed is enough to keep her from taking off in their direction. Instead, she leans against the brick wall of the building, dropping her face in her hands.

He doesn’t make a sound as he approaches, she's only alerted to his presence by the smell of musk, forest and a hint of iron, before he speaks. “Offer for a cab still stands.” The gentleness of his voice is overwhelming.

Briana lifts her head and closes the distance between them. Benny only has four or five inches on her 5’6’’ frame. She's never felt inadequate, even when facing down a Djinn she was confident in her size but now, standing before Benny’s wide shoulders and large presence she can't help but feel small and vulnerable.

Before she can stop herself, Briana grasps the front of Benny’s shirt and pulls him down into a heated kiss, licking her tongue over the seal of his lips, tasting iron there as well. He only hesitates briefly before parting and allowing her full access.

On a deep exhale, he gently pushes her away. “As much as I want this, it’s not a good idea. You don’t know-”

“I do know, Benny.” She holds his eyes firmly in her sights. “I know exactly who I’m with and what kind of risk I'm taking and I’m ready to meet it and accept it. Please, I can’t” she drops her head onto his soft chest, breathing in deeply, allowing his scent to surround her. 

He cups the back of her head, “Okay but we need to go inside, it isn’t safe out here.” He takes her hand and gently tugs her after him as he walks. “I live upstairs.”

The tight grip Briana holds on Benny’s hand acts as an anchor, keeps her there and not running for the nest.  She stays close on his heels as he unlocks his front door and leads her up a narrow staircase.

They've barely passed the threshold of the door and Briana is pulling Benny into another kiss. This time, as their tongues slide together, she allows her hands to roam over his chest and up his back, tugging at his shirt in vain to reach skin.

She allows him to push off her flannel and Briana's thankful she chose to wear her lace less boots as she toes them off. Benny kicks off his sneakers as Briana pulls his Henley over his head. Her hands are running up his chest as his slide down her back then up under the hem of her t-shirt. Growing impatient, she peels off her own t-shirt and hums happily as he unhooks her bra with deft fingers.

“Not close enough,” she mutters against his lips as her arms cling to his firm neck. He hooks an arm under her hips and hoists her up. She happily wraps her legs around his waist as he walks them away from the front door, kissing the whole time.

As the squeeze of her thighs tightens, she feels his hips rock upward to meet her thrust forward. Briana pulls off his lips, panting his name. She's grateful to see he's brought them to a bedroom.

He sets her down gently and cups the back of her neck, rubbing softly. “Are you sure you want to do this? I won’t make you leave, we can just lay here together. Tell me what you need.”

She buries her face into the crook of Benny’s neck. If she lets her imagination run a little she can almost feel the steady _beat beat beat_ that was once there. “Benny, I can’t,” she whispers against his skin. How can she tell him that for the first time in ten years she wants to relinquish all control? She needs to not worry about being prepared for what's coming at her next. She wants to forget about the loved ones she's lost or the possible life that went with that loss. She needs to feel like her presence _matters_ , at least for a short while, to another being. Human or otherwise. 

Somehow, Benny understands her unspoken pleas. He cups her chin, tilting her head up to look at her face. “Let me take care of you, Sugar. I promise not to hurt you.” 

Her eyes slip closed and only open when she feels his large hand skim over her hair, tugging at the butterfly barrette holding her French braid in place. He runs his fingers gently through her chestnut colored curls. His mouth drops open slightly as he watches it cascade around her face and down past her shoulders.

“Oh, mon ami, you're stunning.”

Not used to being spoken to so gently, Briana moves to unbutton Benny’s pants.

A soft chuckle vibrates from his chest. “And impatient.” 

“Yes,” she agrees as she devours his mouth again. She pushes his pants and boxer briefs down and he does the same with her last pieces of clothing. She falls backward onto the bed pulling him with her and he braces his weight with his splayed palms. “I need you, take me, please, I’m ready.” She wraps her legs around his waist again and thrusts upward. They both moan as his hard cock slots between her folds.

“Whoa, just give me a second." He lays a hand over her squirming hip and now he's the one to bury his face in her neck. The scruff of his beard brushing against her skin makes her squirm again. The ache she feels is nothing she's ever felt before. “My swimmers were put to rest, so to speak, a long time ago but I do have con-”

“No,” she cuts him off. She wasn’t keen on the idea of testing the lore on the possibility of dhampirs, or half human half vampire beings but now that she knows that isn’t a possibility there's only one things she wants. “Just you and me, now.”

“You sure?” He searches her face for any signs of doubt.

Briana reaches up with both hands to cup Benny’s face, her thumbs rubbing through his beard along his jawline. “I’ve never been more sure in my life.”

He nods his head slightly then reaches down between them. Briana barely has time to feel the head of his cock before he slides in with one steady push. Her head drops back onto the pillow as her back arches up, moaning along with Benny. “Of, f-fuck you're big,” she pants as she feels her walls stretch around his girth, “Jesus, that feels amazing.” It only takes a minute for her to adjust before her hips are moving on their own accord.

“Oh, Sugar, you're so beautiful,” he coos as he pumps in and out. “How do you like it? I want to make you feel good.”

“Hard,” she gasps as she reaches up to kiss him again, biting at his lower lip. He lets out a low growl and sets up a rapid pace, fucking into her hard and fast. Briana brings her mouth to Benny’s ear and tells him, “So good, so perfect.”

He groans as he fills a palm with one of her small breasts. “Perfect indeed,” he tells her. His pace slows enough for him to cover her erect nipple with his mouth. His skin may still be cool to the touch but the heat of Benny’s mouth sends bolts of electricity straight through to her loins. Her fingers thread through his short hair and tug, encouraging him to continue.

Incoherent words fall from her lips as she feels the heat low in her stomach. He pays the other breast equal attention before returning to her mouth.

“BennyBennyBenny,” she softly chants. “You're so good to me, fall with me, Benny.” She grabs his face in her hands, locking onto his eyes.

“Oh, Briana,” Benny’s hips stutter as he cries out Briana’s name. While he pumps hot streams into her, for just a moment his blue eyes flash to a bright orange. He blinks once and the pale blue, lust blown eyes return.

Briana arches her back, pulling Benny deeper in with her legs and cries out his name as her own orgasm rolls through her like a tidal wave. 

Benny milks them through the aftershock before gently pulling out. Briana feels every muscle relax as she gathers the giant bear in her arms. He rolls them both over, leaving Briana draped over his chest.

“You okay, cher?” He asks as he kisses the top of her head.

“I’m good.” For the first time today, Briana really does feel good. “I think I'll live to see another day.”

 

**Present Day**

Briana’s forehead is resting on the back of Dean’s head, her hands are fisted loosely on each of his shoulders. She hadn’t even noticed when he slipped the clippers out of her hand.

The warmth from his palm covering her hand shakes her from her memories. “Sorry about that, let me just give you one more look over, make sure I didn’t miss any spots.” She runs her hands over his head, scratching a little as she goes. She kisses the top of his head and brushes off a few stray hairs left on his collar. “You're all set, honey.”

Dean twists at the waist, taking her hand, he tugs her down onto the seat beside him. “Ah, thanks for the cut. It was starting to bug me a bit,” he tells her quietly.

For the first time today, Briana takes a long look at Dean’s face.  His red rimmed eyes have dark circles and his cheek bones are a little more prominent. Cupping his face, she asks, “How're you holding up?”

He shrugs one shoulder. “You know.”

“What I _know_ is hardly an hour goes by that I don’t think about Castiel. What I _know_ is how I lay awake at night thinking our answer to find him is out there somewhere.”

Dean shakes his head, looking at their intertwined fingers he says, “Not this time. Don’t think I don’t know what you're doing. Distracting the master at evasion is not going to fly. Now, tell me what you and Sam were arguing about because it’s starting to really freak me out. After everything we've been through together, I've never seen you speak to each other that way. I thought I heard Benny’s name before coming in the door.”

Briana sighs heavily. “You heard correctly, I-” her back straightens, looking past Dean, she raises her voice, “Sam I know you're out here, didn’t anyone ever tell you eavesdropping's rude? Come sit with us.”

Even though she's supposed to be mad at Sam, her heartrate still speeds up at the first sight of him. He may've said some stupid shit but he still takes her breath away. Her eyes track him as he lumbers down the short hill, head bowed. As he rounds the table and sits across from Briana she swings her legs under the table and scoots a little closer to Dean.

Sam’s eyes are hooded as he finally lifts his gaze to Briana. “Babe, I’m so sorry. I had no right to react that way. Please, forgive me.” He reaches across the table for the hand not in Dean’s grip.

She accepts it willingly. “Already forgiven, Sam.”

“Will someone _please_ tell me what the _hell_ is going on?” Dean all but screeches.

Briana looks at Sam and tries to convey an apology for the fact he'll need to hear this bit about her past again. He nods his head slightly in understanding, gesturing for her to continue.

“Last night was not the first night I've met Benny.”

“Benny the Vampire, Benny?”

“Yes.”

“Benny who saved my life numerous times in Purgatory, Benny?”

“One and the same. You see, before he saved you, he saved me, but, "she adds absentmindly, "I don’t think he knows that.”

Sam lets out a small gasp at the weight of her words and hangs his head briefly before squeezing her hand.

“Thirteen years ago, on March 7 to be exact, I spent the night with him.”

“Your birthday,” the brothers comment in unison.

“My 21st.”

“Like _spent the night_ , spent the night with him?” Dean adds. 

She chuckles at the simplicity that's  _Dean_. “Yes.” She watches as the confusion remains painted on his face. 

“That was before you'd even met us."

“Right, I knew _of_ you through Bobby, of course but this was before I lost Rufus.”

“Wait, why would you care then?” He asks his brother.

“Because,” Briana answers for Sam, “I knew he wasn’t human before I followed him up to his apartment.”

“Sam! I may be stating the obvious here, but Ruby was part of your past and I've never, ever heard Briana throw her in your face. Not _once!_ What right do you-”

“Dean, it’s okay.” Briana jumps in, “We can talk more about what Sam’s deal is later but for now I just want to get this over with so I can move past it.” 

Dean shakes his head at his brother and Sam throws him daggers from his eyes.

“Boys.” Briana says sternly. On a shaky breath, she tells them everything up to the point of Benny finding her outside, she figures they certainly don't need those details.

By the time she's finished, she feels a tight ball of shame deep in her gut. Her voice feels raw as she continues. “I know it was stupid of me but I just. Didn’t. Care. I was tired and I wanted to give up. I had every intention of going into that nest alone that night.  If Benny hadn’t been there to stop me, I wouldn’t be sitting here. I never w-" her words break off on a sob, she pulls her hands out of Sam and Dean’s grip and covers her face.

Her broken words are muffled but both brothers know exactly what she's saying. “I never would've met you, Sam. I never would've met you, Dean and I ne-” she gasps for air before continuing, “I never would've met Ca-Castiel. I’m so ashamed. Wh-what kind of hunter does that ma-make me?”

Her sobbing only grows louder as Dean’s arms envelope her and Sam comes around the table to bookend her. They hold her tight, whispering words of love to her.

“Briana, feeling that way doesn’t make you any less of a hunter, hell it makes you human.” Sam tells her softly as he runs a hand through her hair and kisses her wet cheek.

Dean’s voice is ragged as he adds, “Damn, Briana you've seen us both at our worst and you've never thought less of us. You're one of the toughest people I know and to think of you hitting rock bottom like that, it kills me. I’m grateful someone was there for you the way you've been there for Sam and I.”

“You can hardly compare losing a father to spending time in literal hell,” Briana tells Dean, “Or losing your damn soul,’ she adds, looking at Sam.

“I disagree, Babe. I think some of the shit we've gone through top side is harder than what went on while in the pit. I mean, I can’t speak for my brother but that’s how I see it.”

Briana looks up in time to see Dean nod in agreement. She still can't see the comparison and it makes her uncomfortable. “Agree to disagree, boys.”

Taking her cue to move on, Dean asks, “What happened after you left his place?”

Briana rubs a hand over her face and pulls out of Dean’s arms. The image of Benny lying in bed, propped up on one elbow, giving her his lopsided grin as she gave him a final kiss goodbye. His parting words of, “See you around sometime, Sugar,” echoes in her head.

She knows what she shared with Benny that night is nothing compared to what she shares with Sam. It's so damn cliché but he truly is a part of her. Without Sam, she feels incomplete. This she knows to be true because she spent almost two years feeling like an incomplete puzzle.

No, she thinks, what she had with Benny wasn't love but something undefinable. Something tangible and important. She takes a moment to marvel at the universe, what're the chances of Dean finding Benny in his time of need?

Time spent living the life of a hunter has taught Briana many things, one of them being there're no such things as coincidences.

“In the morning I told him goodbye, I walked to my hotel watching the sunrise feeling grateful I was able to see it. When Rufus arrived, together we took out the nest before moving onto the next job.”

Sam suddenly pulls Briana onto his chest and wraps his long arms around her, speaking into her soft curls he tells her, “I’m so sorry. So sorry I spoke to you like that. I just reacted instead of _trusting_ you.”

“Sam, its okay," her words are muffled against his flannel.

“No, it’s not okay and why didn’t I ever know you lost your Dad on your birthday?” he cries. “I feel like such a pile of shit.”

“Make that two piles,” Dean says sheepishly.

Briana laughs softly before pushing away from his chest. She kisses Sam lightly on the lips. “Don’t be. I could've volunteered that information. Neither of you ever make big deals out of your birthdays so I gratefully took your cues. Believe me, I was happy to ignore that fact.”

They sit quietly for a moment before Sam speaks up. “I don’t mean to be a dick, but I gotta ask.”

“It’s okay, Baby, what is it?”

“What if," he starts, stops then tries again, his eyebrows arched, "what if he would've turned you?”

Briana looks down at her hands. “Funny you should ask that, I did think about that and I decided I'd call the two of you. If I couldn’t get a hold of either of you I would've called Bobby. Like when you called Samuel, Dean, I figured it'd be better for a hunter who didn’t know me well to take me out. I sure as hell wouldn’t have called Rufus even though I know he would have gotten the job done.” 

“That’s my girl, always the sensible one,” Sam smirks before kissing her firmly.

“Okay, break it up you two. Let’s eat. All this blathering has me starved.” Dean jumps up and heads to the building.

Sam helps Briana gather her supplies before linking their hands and together and following in Dean’s footsteps.

@@@@@

The impala streaks through another nameless town as Dean and Briana make their way home. Home being where Sam's waiting for their arrival. When another hunter, Martin, called asking for help regarding a possible vampire attack, Briana had every intention of staying behind to help Sam with the Demon tablet research. After learning the attack had occurred where Benny was staying, Sam had insisted she go. He trusted her explicitly and he knew this was something she needed to do.

 

_“Hey there, Sugar.  Didn’t I tell you I'd see you around again?” Benny’s warm greeting made Briana feel like the last 13 years had gone by in a matter of days. As he wrapped her in his arms she inhaled deeply, feeling the familiar calm settle over her._

_She tries her best to hide the clash of emotions running through her as she pulls them apart and smiles up at him. “Yeah, you sure did. What are the chances, huh? I can't repay you enough for bringing my brother home to me," she gestures towards Dean._

_“Kind of crazy how the universes works, isn’t it, cher?_ _”_

After an hour of driving, Dean breaks the comfortable silence. “That was a little surreal, talk about worlds colliding.”

Briana smiles at Dean through the darkness. “For you and me both.” She replays their brief conversation while walking from the woods to the diner.

_“I’ve always wondered, did you know what I was when you came in that night?”_

_“No, I didn’t. I actually had no idea until you touched my arm.  I'd found it hard to believe a guy your size would have such cool skin.” She tells him as she thinks about the fact Sam's_ always _hot and sweating. "You also seemed a bit, distracted, when a fight broke out and blood was shed."_

_“Did ya think I was going to make a meal out of you?”_

_“Honest answer?”_

_“Always.”_

_“I had hoped you would even though, instinctively, I knew you wouldn’t. You met me at the lowest I've ever been in my life. You'll never understand how you helped me that night._

_"Biting you wasn't ever an option. Humans haven't been for a long time for me but you, especially, wasn't to be harmed. Although I remember, for a moment, I did let a bit of hidden monster be visible, I apologize if that had frightened you."_

_Briana remembers seeing his eyes change. "I never felt any fear with you, only comfort. During our,” Briana pauses to clear her throat, glancing at Dean she feels her cheeks tinge a bit, “mad dash to your bedroom, I glimpsed a few discarded blood donor bags and my suspicions were confirmed. I knew then you weren’t a part of the nest I was in town for.”_

_“No, I certainly wasn't. They arrived after I did and the timing of your arrival in town couldn’t have been better, Sugar. I think a few of them had grown suspicious of me and I couldn’t have that. I'd just started making plans to leave town when you came stomping through my door. I guess we helped each other that night.” He winks at her before continuing. “Since we're making confessions, I should tell you I pegged you for a hunter almost from the moment you walked through the door.”_

_Briana gasps from embarrassment and finds herself looking at Dean once again. “What an awful thing to say!” she says in mock anger._

_Benny chuckles. “Don’t worry, I suspect it was the same reason you're able to figure me out, training and attention to details. I could tell your ID was fake, you'e much too observant of your surroundings and the way you took care of that sleaze at the bar, definitely professional moves. You tried to cover your tracks but I heard the comment you made about me being overdue for a feeding. Remember that?”_

_Briana nods her head. “I do, I was so caught up in my memories I didn’t even realize what I was saying until it was too late.”_

Saying goodbye to Benny the second time around was easier even if it was still bittersweet.

_After hugging each other tightly, Benny calls Briana back to him. "I almost forgot, mon ami, I've got something of yours."_

_Briana gives Dean a quizzical look before walking back to her old friend. She covers her mouth as a gasp escapes her lips. Nestled in the palm of Benny's wide palm is a butterfly barrette._

_"After all these years, you still have this?"_

_The pink tinge of Benny's cheeks makes him look like a cute little boy. "I used to carry it with me, you know in case I ever ran into you again. When my ticket to Purgatory was punched I had it on my person so it came with me. It, uh, kind of helped me get through some rough times."_

_Briana runs the pad of her index finger over the cool metal, feeling the rhinestones over the wings. She folds his fingers over the hairpiece and kisses the backs of his knuckles. "You keep it, I'll get it from you the next time I see you."_

_He tucks his hand back into his pocket and nods his head at her. "Take care, Sugar. I'll see you around."_

"What do ya think Sam's real problem with Benny is? I mean, besides the fangs."

Dean's question allows Briana to let go of that part of her past, for the time being anyway. Like her barrette, Briana will always carry a piece of Benny in her heart.

She shifts her attention to her present with with the Winchesters. "I think he's bothered by the fact you kept Benny a secret but mostly, jealousy."

"What? Why?"

"He'll never admit it, even to me, but I think he's bothered by the fact Benny was able to help you out of Purgatory after he failed."

"Failed? He didn't..."

"I know but he feels like he let you down."

"How? It's not like you all bought a house, adopted a dog and forgot all about me. I knew you'd never give up."

Briana shakes her head at the absurdity, "No, we certainly wouldn't ever do that just like we'll never give up trying to get Castiel back in your arms." Briana pauses, thinking about how Castiel's absence is profoundly unnerving.  "As the weeks went on his hope began to dwindle. I think he was torn over the idea of settling down or continuing down a hopeless path."

Dean voice is soft with his reply. "I know the feeling."

"I know, and just like your brother did, you'll keep trudging along because that's what we do. We keep fighting for our loved ones. Dean," she lays a hand over his where it grips the steering wheel, "Sam may've but I never had any doubts I'd see your ugly mug again." 

He looks her way and flashes her a small smile before she continues. "I have no doubt we'll get our Angel back as well."

"Now, Dean, show me what Baby has in her today cause I want to be back home with my Sam."

"As you wish, Ma'am," he tells her teasingly as he steps on the gas pedal.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Come say hi on Twitter @lydrewsmom or Tumblr @loudenswainfangirl


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